Finally Becoming Aware of What my Brilliant Son Has Been Trying to Show me for Years
I was crying. Happy tears. Happy tears, mixed with sadness, and an intense desire for the world to see the possibilities beyond the problems associated with an autism diagnosis.
The mother on the podcast was talking about how her autistic son was “mispronouncing” something. When she said to her son – ‘Ok, I can say it that way,’ her son relaxed, and said, ‘Now I know you are willing to have my back Mum’ For the first time, he was being accepted for being different and perceiving the world differently.
He was not wrong or less than. Just different.
It reminded me of so many times when my own son would just go quiet or go to his room. He was trying to get me to see beyond my conclusions and fixed ways of looking at the world, my desire to get things right, even though I mainly felt intensely wrong. He was trying to show me how limited and unintelligent that was.
For so many years, I blinded myself to what he was showing me. I didn’t do that deliberately or cognitively. I just wasn’t ready to see just how indoctrinated and programmed I had become.
My son, actually both my sons, are on the spectrum. I am also autistic. Autistic kids often come to parents who are asking to be aware of themselves in a very different way, where there is the possibility that the kids will be able to reach their parents.
Growing up, I had no idea of any of this. I just knew I felt wrong. My “objective” circumstances were hugely difficult, My Dad was an alcoholic, and my Mum suffered from continual Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and was unable to be present with herself or with us. I grew up in a small village in Scotland, and we were very poor. In the winter, there was ice on the inside of my bedroom window, and I had to walk to school in the snow with holes in my shoes and insufficient clothing.
I knew, however, that, beyond this financial poverty, something else was missing, even if I did not at all have the words for it at the time. I was highly aware of energies, and nobody was communicating energetically. This was hugely painful for me, actually an invalidation of my very being. We are energy! I gradually slipped into ignoring energy, not making it real anymore. It obviously had no value here, and therefore neither did I.
And this is why the podcast made me cry: this young boy was changing his mother. He got her to start to question what she thought she knew about how he was experiencing reality, how she too was experiencing reality, which often seemed to lead her to talk at him like a computer. That pronunciation or mispronunciation was irrelevant if you are connecting on an energetic level and are beyond judgment.
This energetic communication is hugely important to autistic kids. And adults. Ironically, autistic people are often mistaken as slow and stupid. The reality is that our first language is energy and we are so fast that we receive information before anything is said and cannot slow down to engage with where others are at. And this is why there often seems to be a disconnect.
Neither can we be linear. We cannot take universes of information and put it into limited lines of what we often perceive as incredibly limited information. This is a huge frustration for autistic kids. I will give you an example, where a kid is given a simple assignment: ‘Write about what you did at the weekend’ When the kids recall the weekend, they are way more aware of the energies, and the immense amount of energetic information of the weekend than what they actually did, making it almost impossible to fulfil the assignment, even if they wanted to!
I found school social and psychological torture; I could not force myself to be linear, and the words people were saying felt somehow empty. I now see that people’s words were not congruent with the energies they were being. It left me feeling so wrong like I was lacking something – everyone else seemed okay, it was just me who wasn’t.
And I remember so clearly that moment when Liam, my eldest son was four years old, and I knew in a split second that he would have all the problems I had had at school. He had this same “thing” going on.
I started to look for something that would give me some answers to what was occurring, for me and my sons. I trained in psychotherapy and soon realized that that was not giving me what I was looking for. Finally, I found the tools of Access Consciousness® and started to have way more insight.
Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, had been working with autism for over thirty years, in a very different way from the mainstream. The mainstream approach sees there is something “wrong” with these kids, categorizes their problems in terms of where they are on the spectrum, and imposes solutions to try to make them conform. My son was suicidal by age 15, truly believing he was a waste of space. Even I as his Mum thought there was something just not quite right with him or with me.
Gary Douglas does not communicate with these kids or adults using words; rather, he communicates energetically, showing them what they have known their whole lives, and have never been recognised for. These beings cannot be “fixed” because they are in no way broken. Actually, they have a brilliance that goes way beyond what most people are capable of seeing. When Gary spent time with my son, he was able to show him who and what he truly was and how to have his own reality. He started to thrive in a way most people could not comprehend.
The majority of people are not energetically atuned and have no idea of the brilliance of autistic kids. And this is what my son, so kindly, continues to show me, every time we engage.
It is estimated that one in three kids is now coming in somewhere on the spectrum. The solution is not to homogenize everyone, not to make everyone conform to an elusive standard of normal. When we homogenize, we lose the diversity that will make the world a different and greater place.
We need to somehow let these kids know that people have been indoctrinated to function from judgment and conclusion, and that it is not real, it’s insane. This can be hugely confusing and difficult for these kids to experience.
Life is so awesomely different for me and my eldest son now (my youngest does not believe he is on the spectrum, but I know all the tell signs). I am so grateful for the tools of Access Consciousness, and this new, empowering awareness of what is labeled as autism and the gift we are. I know there are many people, like me, that think they are just not too bright and would never believe that they function brilliantly, as well as very differently! If no one can see how different you are and acknowledge you for that, you don’t even know!
