How to Deal with a Bad Day
Have you ever had one of those mornings where things seem to start off badly as soon as you open your eyes? You wake up cold as the covers are mostly on the floor. You stub your toe on the door as you head from the bedroom to the bathroom. The toothpaste you are attempting to put on your toothbrush ends up on the floor. Everything within your first few wakening moments seems to be headed in a bad direction. What if this beginning to a seemingly “bad day” did not have to continue in that direction? Even if your bad day is far more “significant” than toothpaste on the floor, what if a bad day was nothing more than your decision that made it progress into a bad day? What if you could change it immediately?
Whether it is a breakup of a relationship or spending hours trying to work out how to do something on your computer or going through your finances and realising you have less money than you thought, contrary to what you have likely been taught, it is not what happens to you that creates a bad day. It is how you “be” with what happens to you.
Let’s use the example of a relationship breakup. The breakup is the event. That is what happened. Now the question is, what are you going to choose? Are you going to look for who to blame? Who’s fault it is? Are you going to judge your ex-partner, judge yourself? Are you going to go into fight mode, resisting and reacting to the situation? Are you going to look for friends and family who will agree with you that it’s your partner's fault and then you can all join in, bashing him/her together? These are the choices that will create your bad day, and likely a few more bad days to follow. You do not have to go down this path no matter how unhappy you are in the present moment with any given situation.
When you do choose to go down the path of aligning and agreeing or resisting and reacting you abandon yourself. You make what is going on outside of you more important than anything else. You give circumstances power over you rather than recognising that you are more powerful than anything that is occurring around you. Rather than go to victim you have the choice to let go of the upset you are creating because things are not as you would like to control them to be.
If you would like to disrupt the autopilot of abandoning yourself, start by asking, “What’s right about this that I am not getting?” What this question does is stops the autopilot and disrupts the judgements that you are buying into. All judgement does is punish you. When you don’t punish yourself by agreeing with or fighting against, then you can observe the situation and gain more awareness without being at the effect of it. You are back to you as the source and the valuable product rather than everyone and everything else.
Every judgement is simply an interesting point of view. In our relationship example, if you judge that there must be something wrong with you, then that point of view will create your reality (that’s what points of view do) and you will remain in a constant state of judgement and self-punishment. You do not have to stay there! It is just a choice to connect with yourself in difficult times and hold your own hand in such a kinder, gentler way, rather than looking for the judgements of yourself and the judgements of others.
Here are my 4 tips on how to let go of the judgements that are creating your bad day.
Interesting Point of View
It’s the permanence that we believe in that creates our negative self-talk. For example, when you say, “I don’t have enough money.” Or, “I am poor.” You are making that permanent. If you have a friend and the two of you had an argument years ago but you are still holding on to it, you are making it permanent. Memories from childhood that you keep bringing up, you have made them permanent. Basically, permanence is anything that you are making solid and relevant now and it is what we use to beat ourselves up and do negative self-talk.
The tool of ‘interesting point of view’ can interrupt the solidity of the things you have decided are permanent and assist with changing negative self-talk.
It is easy to use. Every time you notice a point of view you simply say to yourself, “Interesting point of view, I have that point of view.” Say it until you feel lighter, your mind quieter. When points of view are real and true, they control you and your life. When they are simply interesting and insignificant, you can let them go.
Ask, “What am I making myself or someone else wrong for?”
Ask this question and write out a list. This is how you become aware of the points of view that are keeping you stuck. Look at your list and use the tool of interesting point of view on every single one of them.
What am I making personal?
Be vulnerable with yourself about this. Nothing is ever personal. People do what they do because of them, not because of you. We have been raised with blame and guilt and these 2 energies never create more. They distract you from being present with you and what is.
Ask Questions
When you are stuck in a bad moment that is turning into a bad day, questions are your best friend. Actually questions are a best friend always! They disrupt the conclusions you have and the judgements you are clinging to. Disrupting these things is what allows you to see possibilities that you could not see before. Here are a few more questions you can ask:
What am I making real that isn’t true?
How many conclusions am I coming to?
If this was not a problem, what would the possibilities be?
Sometimes we create a bad day and sometimes we are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Whatever the case may be, when difficult things are up and you are having a bad day, be present with what is, ask questions and use the tool of Interesting Point of View. Changing a bad day can be instantaneous. It truly is up to you.
